This is a rush transcript of « Gutfeld » on November 23, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): All right. Happy Tuesday, everyone. So, recently, a violent sex fiend named Darrell Brooks had been released from jail after posting a minimal bond for punching the mother of his child and then trying to run her over. Now, you think this guy who had outstanding warrants would have been let out much less allowed back in the same damn car he used to run over a human being?
But of course, he was and then he drove his SUV into a crowd of people in a parade, killed a bunch of them, and kept ongoing. I’m guessing he wasn’t heading to a Father of the Year ceremony. So, how would you describe that? NBC called it a crash, which is like calling Joy Behar chatty.
I guess — I guess fender-bender was too wordy. « Authorities have said that Brooks fled the scene of a domestic disturbance just before the crash. »
It isn’t clear if he has another lawyer for the charges related to Sunday’s crash. So, just a crash, guys. Act of God in honest mistake. You know, Brooks was probably on his way to help victims of white supremacy. And those dead white people were just trying to stop him.
Sorry, I was channeling MSNBC for a minute there. But it’s stories like these that show you how the media works. They use the lens of race on every story until the colors change. And that’s because the lens of race only curves in one direction, which makes one think that maybe the lens shouldn’t be used at all.
Because when a story like this appears involving a black suspect, they turn the race filter off, which shows you that they don’t report reality they only created when it suits them. CNN spends more time in Wonderland than Alice with Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon as Tweedledee and Tweedledumber.
This story won’t flood the airwaves like so many stories that led to riots and death. I mean, who’s going to protest for the people who suffered at the hands of this evil violent man? Who will make murals for his victims or name streets after them? See? That just won’t work today. Remember what CNN said just days before. There’s nothing more frightening than an angry white man.
So, pity for CNN that Brooks is black with a long criminal history. But maybe the press can spin this into, he’s a white supremacist. I mean, black folks can be white supremacists too. According to the press. Just ask grand cyclops, Larry Elder. Can you imagine Jeff Zucker’s disappointment when he found the driver was black? I mean, how am I going to pay for that new house in the vineyard or the one on St. Barts?
So, what do you do when the narrative doesn’t fit? Well, let’s ask Mary Lemanski. The Illinois Democrat was the social media director for the Democrats to DuPage County, but not anymore after she called the murderous rampage karma for Rittenhouse.
According to her, Karma is a bitch but according to me, so is she. Lemanski also claims she’s a comedian that works with Second City improv. And with material that bad she could definitely write for Kimmel.
Meanwhile, the Squad keeps pushing for abolishing federal prisons and excessive bail. But to them excessive bail is any bail at all. It’s crazy pushing for more bail reform. That same day of felon kills five people while out on bail. That’s like pushing for more Wuhan labs after a COVID outbreak.
Then, it’s me but I’m thinking maybe bail should be higher than Hunter Biden on a trip to Peru. And maybe certain maniacs shouldn’t be bailed out at all.
On Monday, AOC demanded answers on excessive bail. AOC loves demanding answers like which designer dress to wear to a Gala, or how to fake cry without cutting onions. It’s the serious question she always gets wrong.
Apparently, she has not walked the streets of NYC lately where violent criminals are in and out of jail like Brian Stelter’s in and out of Baskin- Robbins.
She’s good though, she has more security than the pope running out at night for a pack of smokes. What she really needs around her is a straitjacket and a padded room. Meanwhile, her even dumber cohort Rashida Tlaib tried to explain her support for a law that would empty prisons. It’s called The BREATHE Act. And if it passes, there will be a lot of innocent people who no longer breathe.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. RASHIDA TLAIB (D-MI): Everyone’s like, oh my God, we’re going to just release everybody, that’s not what I’m —
JONATHAN SWAN, NATIONAL POLITICAL REPORTER, AXIOS: That’s what the act says —
TLAIB: Yes. But did you see how many people are mentally ill that are in prison right now?
SWAN: No, I know. But the act that you endorsed actually says release everyone in 10 years.
TLAIB: But, in 10 years — but, think about it. Who (INAUDIBLE)
SWAN: But they were like human traffickers —
TLAIB: Oh, I know.
SWAN: Child sex — your proposal is so sweeping. It does —
TLAIB: Oh, oh, yes.
SWAN: It does — it does release everyone. And what I’m trying to say to you —
TLAIB: Within 10 years and obviously there’s a process of looking at how can we get away from mass incarceration.
SWAN: Yes. Sure.
TLAIB: And move toward care first.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Well, at least he’s not smug. She makes the cast of The View look like rocket scientists. So remember, Brooks killed a bunch of people after being set three weeks ago. That’s a consequence of the Squad’s beliefs: resentment, fanaticism, allows to punish anyone who doesn’t think like they do.
But we cannot forget the Milwaukee D.A. John Chisholm, who relentlessly pushed cash bail reform because he says it criminalizes poverty.
And in 2007 interview, he said, is there going to be an individual that I divert, or I put into a treatment program is going to go out and kill somebody? You bet. Guaranteed, it’s guaranteed to happen. It does not invalidate the overall approach.
So, there you go. The fact that criminals take innocent lives will not invalidate their beliefs in letting these criminals out. The consequences of their actions can’t even change their minds. But hey, I guess you could say something good about Brooks. He didn’t cross state lines.
GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. If you remember her from MTV, you’re old enough for Relief Factor. Host of « KENNEDY » on Fox Business, Kennedy.
Ladies, he’s recently divorced, funny, and he can fly when he flapped his ears. Comedian, writer, and actor Jamie Lissow.
After she blew into a breathalyzer and had to go to rehab, Fox News contributor Kat Timpf. And big and tall shore is really just baby back to him. My massive sidekick and the NWA World Television Champion, Tyrus.
So, Jamie, there’s a lot of stuff going on with this story. But I have a feeling you’re more interested in the Tweety lady.
JAMIE LISSOW, ACTOR, COMEDIAN: Yes.
GUTFELD: The lady that tweeted that it was karma.
LISSOW: Yes, the tweety lady when I read her tweets, and then I saw that she was an improv actress. I was like, oh, that’s why they’re not funny.
LISSOW: And I don’t mean to dump on like improv people. But you guys, I dated someone that was in an improv troupe. It was like the worst relationship I’ve ever been. It’s just unbelievably stressful. Like every – – like, oh my God, I’m so hungry. And she would go name a restaurant. And I would go — I would go Japanese. And we’re like, we’re in a Japanese restaurant, I’m like, no, we’re not, I’m starving.
KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR (on camera): Yes.
LISSOW: But it was good in the bedroom because you’re like, can we try this? And she’s like, yes. And I recommend if you ever go to an improv group, and they go give me an occupation, actually give them one.
GUTFELD: Yes. She — but she’s no longer the media director for the Democrats. That happened while — right before we were taping the show.
GUTFELD: So, I would call that karma in a strange way.
Kennedy, what do you make of this bad timing or is it — is there any bad, good timing with what the Squad’s calling for on the day that — day after this happened?
LISA KENNEDY MONTGOMERY, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): So, whenever they open their mouths and talk about criminal justice reform, as a libertarian, and Kat will give me a one on this. I go, this is why we can’t have nice thing.
MONTGOMERY: Because when you send dumb people out to talk about really complex and important issues, they ruin it for everybody. Because you can’t say let’s empty out the federal prisons like it’s a crackerjack box.
MONTGOMERY: Because all the investors who are guilty of white-collar crimes, they would be free too. And if you did, that, the squad would lose their minds. There are smart ways of doing things. So, you don’t criminalize behavior that is consensual. Things like prostitution, or certain drug transactions.
MONTGOMERY: People shouldn’t be in prison for those kinds of things. When you beat up your baby mama and try and run her over with a car, that’s attempted murder, you should be in prison for a long, long time. When you’re going to hurt someone and try and take their life, there’s a good chance you’re going to try and do that to other people. Those are the kind of people potentially that should be incarcerated.
There are many, many people in this country who shouldn’t be but I don’t think anyone in the squad is smart enough to make that list. That’s actually trustworthy.
GUTFELD: OK. Everything you said seems like something that, Kat, they would have covered before you do this. It’s like, all right, we’re going to do this bail reform thing, but we shouldn’t let out the really, really bad guys.
GUTFELD: We should only do the stuff that’s consensual whether it’s sex work, or it’s drugs, but we shouldn’t let out any — of the — of the people that kill each other. You know, that would be bad, but it’s almost like they went forward with this idea of comprehensive bail reform without ever even thinking about what consequences might come except when they did, they go, yes, people might die but this is better.
TIMPF: Yes. Well, because they think that they just want to one up each other all the time. I don’t think that they’re talking to other people. It’s like OK, well, we should — they probably started there, Kennedy with like, maybe a good idea and they’re like, no. Nobody in prison ever. And only other ones don’t want one of them to be the most woke one.
TIMPF: So, then they just have to say, yes, exactly. And I’m surprised that, you know, AOC didn’t come and say, actually, we should do it nine years, eight years, and they just go dead. Because that’s what happens when you’re with your friends.
TIMPF: You do dumb — you would not have done — if you weren’t trying to impress your friends.
GUTFELD: This goes back to the one — we are dying of — in these liberal cities of a one-party system. New York City, we can talk for days and weeks and years about crime, but it doesn’t matter because it’s just the Democratic Party. That’s all there is.
You don’t — they don’t have to change at all. And bail reform, you can do whatever you want because there’s no Republican Party there. Right?
TIMPF: No, and again, you — people are scared to say anything to them, because they’ll smear you as a racist in two seconds.
GUTFELD: Yes. Saying — you said the racist?
TIMPF: Thank you.
GUTFELD: Yes. Tyrus, what are your thoughts on this?
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR (on camera): They can put a button in all this.
TYRUS: I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out why certain politicians, in this case, the Squad say the things they say. And it all just kind of came together right now. I got a goose bump. They’re improv politician. So, they go into a meeting, and they say give me a subject. And someone says prisons, OK, free him. OK. Do we have money here? No, we’ll take away the money. Oh my God, let’s get this passed.
That’s how — they’re just — they’re just winging it. It just sounds good. In that interview, she tried one of the things that whenever — anyone ever had a girlfriend friend who was lying to you but they try to sweet lie to you where they like I’m having an affair with your brother but they say it cute. I’m having an affair with your brother and it’s wonderful and I’m sorry you have to move out.
But because I said it so sweet, you can’t really get mad at me. So, it’s a lot of improv —
TYRUS: Yes. A lot of you improv.
TIMPF: But you go — why are you yelling at me?
GUTFELD: Yes. Hold on. Hold on.
TYRUS: Yes. Yes. None of your children are yours.
GUTFELD: Let’s take a break. Let’s a break. Stop down and — you try to compose yourself and then we’ll continue.
TYRUS: I did wipe your bank account out. And I am sorry. So, let’s just think new house, you moving out and it’s cold.
GUTFELD: The other thing too is I — well, go ahead.
LISSOW: I was just going to say I know this bill is like super controversial, but it’s getting a ton of support from prisoners. I don’t know if you saw that.
TYRUS: Across the board.
LISSOW: Yes. They’re all like, we won’t see any problem with that at all.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. All right. We will — we will stop on that.
Up next, stupidity days’ view on a show called « The View ».
GUTFELD: If The View is your favorite show, you might be a little slow. Yes, it’s time for.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Our view on The View.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: If « The View » is your favorite show, you might be a little slow. Yes, it’s time for —
ANNOUNCER: « OUR VIEW ON THE VIEW ».
GUTFELD: Very serious music. They love to play the race card because logic for them is hard. On Monday’s episode, the ladies tackle the Rittenhouse not guilty verdict and true to their feckless form, their reaction was something to behold. See for yourself. See for yourself, first.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOY BEHAR, CO-HOST, THE VIEW, ABC: I can’t go and protest now without worrying that some nutcase is going to have a gun, cross the state line and come and shoot me. That’s the problem.
When he has opened Pandora’s Box for some crazies out there.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: The only crazies I see around here are those (INAUDIBLE) am I right?
TYRUS: A sexist would say
GUTFELD: A sexist would say. But I digress says the sexist. They talk less sense than me after stealing those pills from Kat’s purse. Or pills. That’s a pill. Then, there’s Whoopi.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WHOOPI GOLDBERG, HOST, ABC: Even all the excuses in the world does not change the fact that three people got shot.
GOLDBERG: Two people were murdered.
GOLDBERG: Yes, to me, it’s murder. I’m sorry.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right. And to me, that’s about as educated a legal opinion as the Rittenhouse prosecutor explaining that you should take a beating instead of defending yourself or that the closer someone is to you with a gun, the less likely they’ll use it. Here is more.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GOLDBERG: Sunny, if he were black, would he be free now?
SUNNY HOSTIN, HOST, ABC NEWS: No, he wouldn’t be alive now.
People now will think, well, someone can legally come to a protest and under the cover of law, kill me.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: If he were black, he could run for president and probably win. But there she goes again to plan the race cards. She’s more predictable than gas after a cheesy Gordita Supreme at Taco Bell.
For someone named Sunny, she sure is cloudy. And we’ll be right back with a very special episode of Punky Brewster.
GUTFELD: What is it about « The View »? It’s so interesting that it’s called « The View » because they only have one view.
GUTFELD: If they see everything through — they see through — everything through one filter, which I would — I would call it the brace filter or the oppressor — pressure versus oppressed filter. All of them see it through « The View ».
MONTGOMERY: Yes. So, you talk about, you know, the Mana Party system and certain parts of Wisconsin and Seattle, Portland, Oakland, San Francisco, I would dive through all of California in there and that’s the problem is they have a view that’s not really truly challenged.
So, they think that everyone agrees with them and you don’t grow when you’re an environment like that, and they’ve actually devolved.
And I think Joy Behar has turned into Marge Schott. You know, she’s like Marianne from Brooklyn meets Marge Schott. And I thought Joy Reid was my least favorite joy. And I watched that clip of Joy Behar and I’m like, she is a truly awful unthoughtful person. And I think that every ABC executive must be drinking actively.
GUTFELD: I would if I were watching « The View ». Your impersonation of Joy Behar reminded me however of the chicken lady and freaks. Or the chicken lady and female trouble, the Egg Lady.
GUTFELD: You know what I’m talking about?
GUTFELD: Why do I do this in myself, Tyrus?
TIMPF: And nobody knows you’re talking. I’m not even know.
TYRUS: You know what, I tell you all the time. It — it’s just you and me.
GUTFELD: I know.
TYRUS: Everyone else is asleep.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
LISSOW: I Googled it, and even the Internet doesn’t know what he’s talking.
MONTGOMERY: He’s going (INAUDIBLE)
TYRUS: Our movie club is so lonely.
GUTFELD: It’s us too.
GUTFELD: Watching things that cause people to leave the room.
TYRUS: But not together.
GUTFELD: Yes, we do. We watch them alone.
GUTFELD: And then we watch our spouses leave.
GUTFELD: You watch « The View »?
TYRUS: No. I can honestly say I do not — I don’t — I don’t have to. What kills me is when she goes to protest, she’s using like a pronoun. Like, what are you going to do today? I got to go get milk, get a haircut, and I got to protest and I got to be home by 6:00.
And she leaves out the part and they kind of talked about looters, one percent of the crowd was looting. And yes, they burnt down the neighborhood. But it was just one percent.
MONTGOMERY: Fuzzy math.
TYRUS: So, if that one percent person shows up miles for the lighter, I’m not going to go, well, there’s just this one guy here.
TYRUS: Please light away. I’m going to shoot this son of a bitch on my front yard. He was acquitted by a jury of his peers. Period. There’s nothing — you can hate it. You — it’s — it doesn’t matter because it’s not part of their view. She is trying to say the protesters were nice and they were doing their thing and this monster cross state lines. And even if that’s not factually true, facts mean nothing. Because it goes back to one thing. They’re improving.
TIMPF: Yes. I don’t —
TYRUS: Every one of them — they just — there’s no facts. Can’t argue with it. Please make it up.
TIMPF: Yes. I don’t believe her, right? She’s like —
TYRUS: Yes, no —
TIMPF: The main concern. You’re lying awake at night that you can’t pro — go to all those protests you always go to.
TIMPF: Because you’re too scared that now you’re going to be shot by a teen boy. I don’t believe that’s true.
TYRUS: Yes. Go to Walgreens and get your prescription in Fisco, sweetheart. See how that is.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
TIMPF: Yes. I just — I don’t believe either of those things are true. First of all, I don’t think she’s a big protest gal.
GUTFELD: What would you be protesting?
TIMPF: I don’t know.
TYRUS: Loud noise in her neighborhood.
MONTGOMERY: This chardonnay is not cold enough. It is 11:00 in the morning.
MONTGOMERY: That should be much colder.
TIMPF: Like anybody who looks at her wrong. Like, not — certainly not like issues bigger than her.
GUTFELD: Oh, it’s hard to find.
TYRUS: People who say good morning.
TIMPF: Yes, wrong.
TYRUS: Good afternoon. Not on her watch.
GUTFELD: Not of her —
TIMPF: She’s like, that’s like their mate she’s so worried — I’m like —
MONTGOMERY: OK, but you’re not.
TYRUS: Little kids taking candy off her gingerbread house before she eats them.
GUTFELD: Oh. That — it’s got to be a memory, right?
TYRUS: Yes, oh yes. Oh, yes. She is the lady in the Gingerbread House.
MONTGOMERY: Can I add something very quickly? That’s how the prosecutor lost this case is he looked at the jury and when — there were heroes in that crowd, and all the people on the jury like, your full hot garbage.
MONTGOMERY: Like, my car dealership got burned to the ground. It was like my friend’s dress shop got looted. They were not heroes.
MONTGOMERY: Those are people who live there.
MONTGOMERY: They did not want their city burned down the first time or after the verdict and the prosecutors sitting there telling them how great they were.
MONTGOMERY: That was — what a thing bad.
GUTFELD: That was a — that was a huge mistake.
Jamie, what are your thoughts?
LISSOW: Oh, thanks for including me.
GUTFELD: Are you feeling alone?
LISSOW: No. I feel great. I actually dated a protester once.
LISSOW: Yes. It’s really great because you can always tell what’s wrong because it’s written on their sign.
I think it’s so ironic. I think it’s so ironic. Isn’t it ironic that the show is called « The View » and there’s nothing to look at while you’re watching it? You know what I mean?
LISSOW: And how weird is it that their names are Joy, Whoopi, and Sunny. How fun does that sound? It’s not fun at all. None of this is fun. And stop with the crossing state lines.
LISSOW: I flew into Newark, I crossed eight lines to get to the studio.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true.
LISSOW: It’s not that big of a deal.
GUTFELD: That’s true. That’s true. And they’re OK with open borders. Am I right?
LISSOW: Right, right.
GUTFELD: Am I right?
TYRUS: So, you don’t like it, Gutfeld, when other people use your joke free? Burns, don’t it?
TIMPF: I was going to see if he was going to say anything or not.
TYRUS: He looked at me like well, this guy.
GUTFELD: It’s pretty good.
LISSOW: If I had three months to live I put « The View » on so it seemed longer.
GUTFELD: That was good. All right, you jerk.
Up next, Andrew Cuomo’s former employer says he’d better get a lawyer.
GUTFELD: Our troubles getting deeper for the Albany creeper. From harassment to abuse of power, Cuomo’s problems mount by the hour. An eight- month investigation by the New York State Assembly has found « overwhelming evidence » that former Governor Andrew Cuomo engaged in sexual harassment while in office.
Now when you hear the phrase overwhelming evidence, it’s never good. Like when I found that Gutfeld trying made of animal bones and a black toupee in the network broom closet, I was obligated to report Kilmeade to H.R.
The investigation consisted of hundreds of witness interviews, e-mails, texts, and video recordings. And also found that Cuomo used state resources to help write and promote his book regarding his handling of the COVID crisis, which he got paid millions for.
Here we call that a Watters.
And investigators concluded that Cuomo wasn’t transparent about the nursing home deaths from COVID last year with his administration, selectively reporting numbers that downplayed the damage.
If he’s not careful. He may not get hired by CNN. In other words, it took them eight months and a ton of taxpayer money to confirm what we already knew. This guy is one giant poop bird filled with poop and he’s pooped on a lot of people.
But as the New York Times points out, the report makes references to sharing some of the evidence with law enforcement suggesting there could be more legal repercussions for Cuomo. For analysis, let’s check in with our legal correspondent, soccer goat.
Not bad. I know Tyrus.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I heard that.
GUTFELD: I was like, I was like — you know, when you — if you’re going to do a joke, just go right —
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: You’re (INAUDIBLE) —
GUTFELD: Don’t give up in the middle of it. Don’t give up in the middle of the —
TYRUS: You go down with the ship, you go down with the ship.
GUTFELD: Well, the media really fell for this guy. They wanted it to be real. They wanted him to be the Cuomo sexual. That man —
TYRUS: He was.
GUTFELD: Yes, he was.
TYRUS: You know, they just have some bad choices like the producers and executives that get behind CNN and stuff like they’re not allowed to go on « The Bachelor » because they’re going to find the serial killer in the group like —
TYRUS: Avenatti was going to be president remember that? Oh, my, this guy is something —
TYRUS: Something about him is magnetic. Yes, all your money sticks to his belt. And then you had Cuomo where he was just going to be praying. If he ran right now —
TYRUS: He would be the Democratic Representative. Well, I’m sure most of the women in the White House are happy that didn’t happen.
TYRUS: Allegations, suck. But I always say it’s about that investigation.
TYRUS: It either frees you to move on with your life or ends it. This investigation was scathing.
TYRUS: Game over.
TYRUS: Don’t have a press conference. Don’t keep that look on your face right there. And hopefully, when you go to federal prison for all the stuff you did, you’ll be able to get out just in time because the squad will let you go.
GUTFELD: Yes, there you go.
TYRUS: It can all go full circle.
GUTFELD: He managed to outdo his critics’ expectations.
GUTFELD: I mean, like we I assumed like, oh, it will be just like kind of a milder version of what we heard. It was actually though — it’s actually worse.
TIMPF: Yes, I’m starting to think he’s maybe not a good guy.
GUTFELD: No, don’t go that. You’re so judgmental.
TIMPF: I’m a lot of things, but I’m not judgmental enough.
TIMPF: But I think that he still doesn’t realize how bad it is. I don’t think he’s capable of self-examination or self-awareness. I’m sure that he has to have people around him right now telling him that he is running for president.
GUTFELD: Right. Yes.
TIMPF: He has to live in this alternate reality or else he probably just screams at him, right? He’s got people running saying — oh, no, yes, you’re running right. You’re, you’re looking great in the polls.
TIMPF: Because otherwise he’ll go nuts.
GUTFELD: Yes, he’s also like, like, he’ll have post pictures of himself with a dog. That’s what you always do. If you want you know, yes, maybe they’ll like me again if I’m with my dog, Jaime. What are your thoughts on this whole Cuomo thing?
JAIME LISSOW, WRITER AND ACTOR: He loves dogs because he can touch them without consent.
GUTFELD: Nicely done.
LISSOW: I don’t know, Greg, I actually went to one of Cuomo’s book signings because I wanted some alone time with him. This book has the most boring title in the — I had to write it down, though, the name of the book is literally called « American Crisis: The COVID-19 Pandemic » is the name of his book. He should have called it « American Crisis: Me. » It’s so boring. He should at least change the title to some people might buy like call let —
TIMPF: He should have let his nipple ring show on the cover.
LISSOW: Does he have a nipple ring?
LISA KENNEDY-MONTGOMERY, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK HOST: Yes, two!
TIMPF: A thousand percent.
MONTGOMERY: Yes, two nipple rings.
GUTFELD: Well, you were going to —
LISSOW: Oh, I was just going to say if you wanted to sell more books, you should change the name to something you know, like the Bible or some of them. But anyway, what I’ve, I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t read the entire New York Times article because they wanted $1.00 to subscribe.
GUTFELD: Yes, I hear you.
LISSOW: But what I learned from the part — what I learned from the part I got for free was whenever I touch a woman, like say I touch her butt, it’s, it’s OK as long as you say no, Cuomo.
GUTFELD: Kennedy, he doesn’t like dogs.
MONTGOMERY: He doesn’t like dogs.
GUTFELD: He doesn’t like dogs.
MONTGOMERY: He tried to give his dog away.
GUTFELD: Oh, that’s right.
MONTGOMERY: What a horrible person he is like he was walking around the (INAUDIBLE), hey, anyone want a dog? Yes, yes, this dog’s stupid. This dog, it bites my balls. Yes, get, get rid of the dog. Yes, I hate this dog. And people are like, you can’t, that’s, that’s a family member. That’s a beloved pet.
MONTGOMERY: And then, you know, there was all this bad press because everyone’s running around. Like he tried to give me his dog. I was just like, dusting the blinds. Like, I don’t even know the guy. I didn’t like dogs, and he tried to give me the dog.
LISSOW: If that dog could talk, you’d have a $10 million book deal.
GUTFELD: Doesn’t it bother you, Kennedy? The money aspect? We were trying to figure that. Does he have to give that back? I don’t know.
MONTGOMERY: He should give it to all the people whose grandmothers he killed.
MONTGOMERY: That’s who should get the money. The people whose family members were perfectly healthy and then he took COVID positive patients forced them into nursing homes and forced a law that you couldn’t sue the nursing homes if a family member died because they went — they had to take COVID positive patients so people who lost their family members, they should get that money.
GUTFELD: There you go.
MONTGOMERY: Thank you for that.
GUTFELD: That way you piss off Cuomo and the publishing company.
TYRUS: Cut the check to Janice Dean.
TYRUS: And let her hand it out to where it goes because you know what? Through this entire process she was attacked, smirked — just do the weather.
GUTFELD: Yes, true.
TYRUS: Shut up and she was a hero who stayed the course and everything she said was right.
TIMPF: Was right.
TYRUS: And accurate.
GUTFELD: You know what, probably, probably the first time a weather person got an accurate prediction. A sexist would say.
GUTFELD: That is terrible.
TIMPF: Are you OK?
TYRUS: See why I don’t say insightful things?
GUTFELD: Yes, it was —
LISSOW: I loved it.
GUTFELD: Coming up. At school John and Heather can undress together.
GUTFELD: You want a talker? How about an all-gender locker? Hmm. California High School, aren’t they all? Has announced plans for all gender locker room. Starting next summer, Long Beach’s Wilson High school named after the volleyball from castaway will break ground on a new inclusive sports center that according to one instructor was needed to give athletes of all 450 genders a safe space to dress and undress.
And what could be safer than hormonal teens getting naked with each other? The city itself already allows students to compete in the gendered sport of their choosing, regardless of the sex they were assigned at birth. The sex I was assigned was watch out lady this guy’s on fire. Now, a unisex locker room sounds familiar, like something from a dystopian future. That’s because they had one in Robocop and Starship Troopers. And everything turned out fine for those folks, especially that Denise Richard seen here meeting future husband Charlie Sheen.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The heart. Here’s the stomach.
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GUTFELD: Yes, parents who have concerns about the privacy and safety of the new locker room have been invited to attend a virtual meeting next week. School officials promised that anyone who objects will be labeled a bigot, especially if they don’t attend completely nude. You know, Kat, it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a locker room with teens. Probably it was about —
TIMPF: That’s fun?
TYRUS: What is wrong with you?
GUTFELD: No, just —
MONTGOMERY: Go ahead, say it. Say it.
GUTFELD: It’s just a few weeks ago when I, when I volunteer. But I can’t tell, I can’t tell if this is good or bad, Kat, is this good or bad?
TIMPF: I don’t, I don’t even know why High School has gym?
GUTFELD: That’s a good point.
TIMPF: Let the kids go home. I mean it’s weird. I don’t care about the lot, whatever — making kids work out together and then all having to shower together is so (BLEEP) weird. Why don’t we still do that?
GUTFELD: I don’t know, there’s a lot —
TIMPF: You can’t say no. It’s like get in naked and get in the shower. It’s not OK, no matter what.
GUTFELD: That is true. But they don’t do it all — the same stuff that they were doing 30 years ago, Kennedy, we’re still doing now. Like they don’t even change the desks, like you could sit in a desk and see stuff your dad carved in it.
MONTGOMERY: No, I have two kids in New York City public schools and I go to their school. I mean, I haven’t since COVID, but they do, they have very old desks. Yes. You know, it’s like they’re old and gross like your gym teacher’s (BLEEP) — it’s actually quite wonderful and supple.
MONTGOMERY: You were lying about that. I have a 16-year-old and she has guy friends and they are such like undulating hormones. Yes, of course. They want to go into locker room with everybody. Like every possible part.
MONTGOMERY: Like nothing would give them greater satisfaction and putting 16-year-old boys in control of an environment like that is a, it’s a recipe for disaster. But they’ll have they’ll have a great time.
GUTFELD: Jaime, is this a slippery slope or a slippery soap?
LISSOW: Yes, but Kennedy makes a great point. They better go ahead and put a nursery inside these.
MONTGOMERY: Yes, in closed little sections.
LISSOW: Yes. I think it’s a terrible idea. And I just had like a rough — I’m sure we all have our rough stories from —
LISSOW: Getting bullied. I remember one time, such a horrible — I remember one time I hated going to the locker room when I was a kid in high school. I never showered. I remember one time, I waited, I was in wrestling, and I wait until like everyone had left, and I was showering by myself, and it’s one of those ones were spigots everywhere but no dividers.
LISSOW: Right. You’re just like, oh, what are — wrestling coach comes in. Greg, there’s all these places you could shower. You know which nozzle he chooses? The same one as me.
GUTFELD: Really? Really? That’s amazing.
LISSOW: Yes, and it’s like ever since then.
GUTFELD: Yes. What —
MONTGOMERY: Jerry Sandusky —
GUTFELD: What happened after that?
TIMPF: So, he’s in prison?
LISSOW: Well, I made varsity as an eighth-grader.
GUTFELD: Good for you. You know, Tyrus, I don’t really think this is going to happen. I think we — I mean, I just think it might be, maybe the only part of it is where you walk in and it splits off but you got kids. This, I mean —
TYRUS: No, not happening. Nope, it doesn’t even work for one gender locker rooms like literally the gym that I go to it when I go to work out is, is roaming the halls is naked old men who don’t use towels, who terrorize us all. Like, they’ll come right up to you and be like, hey, what’s going on? And you’re just like, oh, and they’re 60-plus.
GUTFELD: And they’re using blow dryer. They’re using blow dryers in the wrong spot.
TYRUS: Gravity us pulling everywhere, but they — and they do it on purpose. And they sit, again, you know what I wasn’t didn’t go to your same school, but it’s like the same thing. I don’t know why they always want to take the shower next to you, or when you’re sitting in the hot tub and they come in you have shorts on and then they come in and you see them naked. You’re like no, not next to me, not next to me. That’s just guys with old, old guys. Just, just imagine. You’re 16 years old. Your first day in a new school.
TYRUS: And you stroll in. And everybody’s naked.
GUTFELD: Yes, heaven.
TYRUS: No. If you’re a late bloomer? Yes, you just punch somebody as quick as you can and get suspended. I was a late bloomer, and I was very shy. I remember wearing my P.E. clothes under my clothes.
GUTFELD: Oh, wow.
TYRUS: So, I’d come in, get changed. Get out. And then I just stay in my — I be in science class, like, where’s your — I just more comfortable in my PE stuff? Because you just get so nervous. Now, you have to worry about —
TYRUS: Girls, see —
LISSOW: I would do the same exact thing. I was worried about getting an erection in spelling class, not going to put me in a gender-neutral bathroom. How am I going to survive this?
GUTFELD: I don’t know what that means. But I will say this, we’re missing. The big story here is that with locker rooms, there are bathrooms. Who wants to go to the bathroom, in a gender-neutral bathroom? That, I don’t need to know, I don’t even like doing that — I got to go. I mean, seriously, I do have to go. I started thinking about it. I really get a —
LISSOW: I’ll meet you in there.
GUTFELD: Up next, did fans have an epiphany after an awful show from Tiffany?
GUTFELD: A one hit wonder makes an on-stage blunder when her signature song went horribly wrong. Tiffany, famous for her 1987 hit « I Think We’re Alone Now. » Kat was just 30 at the time, gave an absolute disaster of a performance in Lake Park, Florida on Saturday. Imagine waiting all night to hear her one hit. Then she blows it. Her fan was so disappointed. The upset (INAUDIBLE) obtained video of the incident which showed her, slurring the lyrics and struggling to hit any of the notes before cursing out the crowd.
That’s her hit! God, it’s like watching Kat at a Friday afternoon taping, but after she promised to sing the song correctly, things got a lot better.
Wow, my mistake. Did I say better? That settles it. Next time, we’re going to see Debbie Gibson. Tiffany’s rep told TMZ that she simply lost her voice and got frustrated. The real story though comes from her drug dealer. We go to her for comment. But Kat, what drug was she on?
TIMPF: I mean, I have no idea. Other than that, she was definitely mixing booze and benzos. Which like, how many she — probably she doesn’t want to sing it anymore?
GUTFELD: Right, that’s probably it. She just got tired of it.
GUTFELD: I’ve been there, believe me. No, we’re not really saying she’s on drugs, but that — we’re trying to get her out.
TIMPF: No. OK, look, maybe she’s not but if she is I’m not saying I have a problem with it. Yes, I’m saying that’s OK. You just do — it’s OK to do drugs sometimes on the weekend.
GUTFELD: Sometimes on the weekend. Kennedy, do you know, have you ever met Tiffany? Or not in your world?
MONTGOMERY: No, I met Debbie Gibson a bunch of times. I did not meet Tiffany. But she picked the wrong decade to have a resurgence because I saw that exact same set in 1995 when Courtney Love performed at the Reading Festival.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes!
MONTGOMERY: Like, that’s exactly what Courtney Love looked and sounded like on stage. And people like brilliant, absolutely wonderful. So, they needed snobby 90s grunge journalists to be covering this. She’s 50, I’m 49 I completely feel her. I was watching that going. This is why they don’t let me have a live show. This is why I don’t have a live studio audience. Because I’d be like (INAUDIBLE), and that would be my monologue.
GUTFELD: That’s awesome. Tyrus, I love the stoic nature of the guitarist. Did you notice that at all? He’s just like going this, just get paid, just get paid. Let’s get through this.
TYRUS: His girl was in the crowd?
TYRUS: He wanted, and then he’s sort of thinking I’m going to get my $8.00 no matter what.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
TYRUS: But this is the media’s fault. I mean, he’s to change the name of the song to I think I’m alone now. It’s over. But look what you do. Look at the picture you put up.
GUTFELD: Yes, she’s cute.
TYRUS: I hate this in wrestling. When they do with the old guys. They put up their best picture from 40 years ago. Put her up now. Let them see now. It’s over. It’s if you’re if your accolade is something you did in 1987, and you’re still trying to do it now. It’s over. And you forgot the word, see your own song. It’s over. So, maybe (BLEEP) you should turn this way. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m doing this because I need the cigarette money. And after this, I’m going to go (BLEEP) that’s literally the only thing that could say that. It’s over.
GUTFELD: You know, Jaime, you like Tiffany (INAUDIBLE), you’re a big fan.
LISSOW: I love Tiffany and I thought this was a brilliant perform — think about it.
LISSOW: I think we’re alone now. There doesn’t seem to be any one around how else to sing the song except for that if you want the words to come true?
GUTFELD: That is true. Self-fulfilling prophecy is what we we’d call it, Jaime.
LISSOW: « I Think We’re Alone Now » was the soundtrack playing when I was at Cuomo’s book signing.
LISSOW: I Googled —
LISSOW: Tiffany’s other hits.
LISSOW: And the homepage for that finding bigfoot show came on.
TYRUS: I love that show.
LISSOW: I don’t think they found I’m watching —
TYRUS: That’s the brilliance of the show. You go to work every day knowing you aren’t going to find anything and people still pay.
LISSOW: And if you find out that it’s over.
TYRUS: You just don’t walk on the street at night with a light going up. Thought I heard a squelch, and there’s a guy at the back of the car going, it’s a knock.
LISSOW: They don’t even want to find it.
GUTFELD: Yes, they don’t want to find it because if they find them, it’s like you know, it’s like consultants, if they solve the problem, you’re out of a job. I think we solved a lot of problems here like talking about finding Bigfoot instead of Tiffany. Tiffany, we’re behind.
TYRUS: They sing about the same, 16 percent. All right, don’t go away, we’ll be right back.
GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Kennedy, Jamie Lissow, Kat, Tyrus, our wonderful studio audience. « FOX NEWS @ NIGHT » with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.
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